Thursday, February 12, 2015

Sleep Talkin'

For someone who only has ¾’s of his limbs, Porter sure knows how to hog our bed and keep me from ever getting a good night’s sleep.

Porter and I never slept in the same room until we were married. Had I ever been present for one of Porter’s nightly routines, I might not have married him.

 **Boy you best be grateful for those Mormon standards right about now**

Jokes. I still would have.

Homie flails that one arm of his all night and screams at the top of his lungs in his sleep.

Over the summer, I woke up with tears in my eyes and covered in blood from Porter swinging his arm into my nose in the middle of the night. I thought I had cleaned it all up, but the next morning he informed me I still had remnants of the attack on my face.

“Hey Car, did you have a bloody nose or something last night?” he asks me when we wake up.

No, your brick of an arm swatted the crap out of my face. #ThanksFoAxin

Today I write this post out of sheer sleep-deprived frustration.

I wake up at 4 a.m. every morning, so each second of precious slumber is invaluable.  

Last night, Porter decided to dream about coaching. I guess Dean Smith’s passing has taken an emotional toll on this poor Tar Heels fan.

I woke up at 12:34 a.m. to him screaming at me to “get down the court and put a body on their big man.”

At first I giggled because my husband had just told me to go put my body on a big man. Fine. If you say so, honey, I can make that happen. LaMarcus Aldridge anyone?

I rolled to the edge of the bed, the only piece of it I get at night, and eventually fell asleep.

About an hour later, I wake up to him screaming, “Why are you afraid to draw contact??”

Ummm, so you want me to draw contact with someone now? If Kyle Korver is guarding me, I’ll take you up on that. (THAT SMIRK THO)


Despite that being my second interruption of the night, I decided to let it go.

You know what one of the most annoying things in the world is?

Waking up like 10 minutes before your alarm goes off. You can’t really fall back to sleep, so now you are just out 10 extra minutes of deep sleep.

Porter’s coaching dream must have lasted all night because just a few minutes before I would have to get out of bed, he yelled, “Is that all you got?”

I was so pissed.

Yeah Coach Porter, it’s all I got because I’m running on like 2.5 hours of sleep.

Until next time,


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