Tuesday, June 25, 2013


In honor of Facebook finally allowing hash tags, I figured I would share a couple of our favorites. Porter and I, for some reason, think it is hilarious to verbalize hash tags in awkward situations. When something funny happens to Porter, it is generally #onearmprobs and for me it is #onearmwifeprobs. Here are a couple of our favorite #'s.

Wedding Dance:

Instead of doing a traditional (or in my eyes boring) first dance at our wedding reception, Porter and I decided to spice it up a bit. It started out with Brad Paisley's song "Then," but was quickly remixed into something magical. When we were trying to figure out what songs to include in our remix, we tried to pick songs that had funny dances associated with them, for example: the chicken dance, crank that, etc. My sister was helping us with it, and she made a suggestion.

Ry: "How about the Macarena."
Me: "Oh yeah, great idea."
Porter: sitting quietly.
Me: "What about the Macarena, Port?"
Porter: "Yeah we can do that, I just will only be able to do half of the dance."
*Awkward silence as Rylee and I realize that the Macarana is a dance that straight up takes two arms.*
Ry: "Well then, Car can do the right arm and you do the left!"
Brilliant. But it still warrants #onearmprobs.

The Pit of DOOM:

If you haven't ever seen Porter in a tank top, then it may be difficult to visualize this. Porter has part of his shoulder, but then it is a clean cut from there. He still has an arm pit, just no arm to cover it. Unfortunately for me, I'm a little vertically challenged so my face is level with that uncovered arm pit.

At his swim meet this past weekend, Porter was either shirtless from having just got out of the pool, or sporting a tank top to cover up until his next race, which means that sweaty arm pit was constantly exposed. I was trying to show Porter something, when he stepped in close to me.

Then it happened.

That nasty pit came straight for my face at the exact moment I was trying to tell him something. Yes, pit sweat dripped right into my mouth. We decided the moment was worthy of this: #onearmwifeprobs.

On a little more serious note, Porter competed in a Paralympic swim meet this past weekend at the Olympic Training Center down in Colorado Springs. It was honestly one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed. There were people there who were blind. Several more (if not the majority) were in wheel chairs. There were even a couple of athletes that didn't have ANY limbs at all. I don't know about you, but I would never even get near a pool if I didn't have arms or legs to help me swim.

(The ribbon is red, but the medal is for taking first in his classification)

At one point, I was trying to film Porter's race from behind the starting blocks, so I was standing on the pool deck. It had been an awesome, but exhausting weekend. I was tired, and it was Porter's last race, so I figured I could suck it up for a little bit longer. I then saw a little girl there who could not use her arms talking to another girl in a wheelchair. They were congratulating one another for their performances in their race when the girl in the wheelchair said, "We are so lucky to get to swim here! How awesome is this?"

I'm not an emotional person, like at all, but I almost started to tear up. Here I was feeling a little "tired" from watching a swim meet and these two girls who had severe physical limitations were dawning smiles and expressing their appreciation for being able to compete.

You would think after being married to someone who has had to overcome physical obstacles that I would appreciate having a healthy body, but I realized this weekend that I could do better.

These athletes didn't make excuses, which is why I think even they deserve a hash tag in honor of their stellar attitudes: #justdoit

Until next time,


Monday, June 3, 2013

Wedding Ring Fiasco

So Porter lost his wedding ring this weekend. We spent like two hours trying to find it on the baseball field where he left it behind. It was just awesome. It isn't a huge deal because let's be honest, I didn't spend that much on it. It was just a simple black wedding band. However, finding the wedding band that would work for our "circumstances" was rather difficult.

A couple months after we got engaged, I figured I should probably start looking for a ring. I went to different jewelry stores by myself, which was a mistake because I know nothing about jewelry. Regardless, I set out on my own to find one.

After hitting up one or two stores in the mall, I found myself at a shop with a tender old man. I told him I was looking for a black wedding ring (and it had to be black because, according to Porter, everything else was too girly).

(Good bye all black wedding band)

The man brought out several different types of rings, ranging from $60-$,500. Naturally, he started to show me the expensive ones. I kept telling him I wasn't going to spend that much because I knew Porter would eventually lose it. Unfortunately, I was right about that one.

I then told the little, old man that I wanted something that would break easily. He looked at me puzzled and then said:

Old man: "Why on earth would you want one that breaks?"

Me: "Well, I just worry about his hand getting caught in something and I would like it to shatter."

Old man: (chuckling) "Well even if he does get it caught, he has another hand to spare."

Awkward silence while I ponder said statement.

Me: (finally breaking the silence): "Well, we actually don't have that luxury."

Old man: "What on earth do you mean?"

Me: "My fiance only has one arm, so I would like something that breaks. We have to protect the five fingers we have."

Old man: "Oh, well we don't discriminate based on sexual orientation or disability!"

What the heck? That's random. Of course you don't because that would mean less mula for you.

Old man (cont.): "We have our selection of rings for men with one arm over here!"

Me: "You have a selection specifically for one arm men? What's the difference between the rings for two arm men and one arm men?"

Old man: "Well we have a selection for those with circumstances like yours. We sell rings that are custom made to fit on one hand."

You don't say? You mean you actually sell rings that are designated for just one hand? That is the most ingenius thing I have ever heard!

Me: "I'm just curious as to what the difference is between the two arm people rings and the one arm people rings."

Old man: "Well, uhhh, I'm getting up there so I don't quite remember. Let me go ask my associate."

The old man waddles to the back room and emerges with a young asian girl....who wasn't exactly fluent in English. I'm not being racist, this is just how the conversation actually went down. I asked her again, what the difference is between the rings and she replied:

Girl: "Oh, no difference. You buy ring and make man soooooo happy!"

No, sorry lady. I no buy ring because you people no tell truth.

I started to walk out of the store when the old man came running out again.

Old man: "Wait, I remember the difference!"

Me: "Oh yeah, what is it?"

Old man: "They fit on the finger form of one arm people differently. You see, people with one arm have skinnier fingers!"

No, no they don't. Porter's fingers are like mini sausages. Needless to say, I bought the ring at a different store with the help of my mom.

Moral of the story: Keep tabs on your husband's wedding ring because now I'm going to have to go through that whole process all over again. Awesome.

Until next time,