I get to laugh everyday because I'm married to a man with one arm. Some would think this not a laughing matter, but they're wrong and have no idea what they are talking about. Having a husband with one arm is the greatest. As far as I'm concerned, normal couples complete with four arms don't have it as good as us because no matter how bad our day gets, something incredibly hilarious always happens. Let me explain.
(My little brother Kirk, pretending to be Porter)
It's not everyday you see someone missing a limb, and when you do, you probably stare. The best part is, most people think they are being sneaky, but actually couldn't be more obvious. Since it is an oddity, people don't know how to handle it and they get real awkward. Like the best kind of awkward. When these awkward things happen, we get to add another awesome story to the books. I then tell these stories to friends, and then they prompted me to share them with my other friends. So, that's what I am going to do.
Every week I want to write down the best one-arm stories for all to enjoy. I don't think very many people will read it, but I hope it puts a smile on someone's face because Porter and I have been keeping them to ourselves for too long.
(Instead of planking, we are Port-ing...it's the newest rage)
Here is the first:
I actually forgot to tell Porter this one because it happened at church yesterday and then I went straight to a meeting and totally forgot, so it will be new for him too.
I was standing in the hallway at church when this middle-aged woman walked up to me. I had never seen her before (preface: our ward is a little crazy and people move in and out all the time, so it is hard to keep tabs on people.) She approached me and immediately started to ask questions.
Middle-aged woman: "I saw your husband riding a bike yesterday."
Me: "Oh, yeah? He rides it around pretty much everywhere to save on gas."
Middle-aged woman: "I just don't understand something. How can he do it with one arm??"
Me: "He pretty much has figured out a way to do everything a two-armed person can do."
Middle-aged woman: "No, I don't think you understand, he was riding a bike with ONE arm. How does he pedal?"
Me (trying not to make her feel dumb): "Well, you use your feet to pedal and he has two of those."
Middle-aged woman (getting a little irritated with me): "I know he has two feet, but he only has one arm. You can't pedal a bike that only has two wheels with one arm."
Me: "Actually you can pedal a bike with no arms, I used to do it all the time when I was kid."
Middle-aged woman: "Now you are trying to play a joke on me. Maybe you just don't understand what I am asking. I want to know how he rides a bike with one hand. How can he move forward?"
My thoughts at this point: "No crazy lady, I understand your question, it is just a stupid one. I am trying to answer your question as politely as possible."
Me: "Well, when he pedals the bike WITH HIS FEET it moves forward...like magic." (Then I laughed a little to make things less awkward.)
Middle-aged woman: "Oh, of course! I knew he had to know a little magic to be able to ride a bike. Just like Harry Potter and his broom!"
Real life people, real life. Happens more often than you would guess. I hope I'm not the only one that found her question hilarious. People these days...they don't even know how a bike functions. If she had asked how he bench presses or something, we could have had a more productive conversation.
I'm not doing this to make fun of other people. I have learned from Porter not to take life too seriously and laugh at yourself.
Until next time,