Monday, May 13, 2013

How did you make it look so real?

Tonight, Porter and I are meeting up with our friends we have had since our days at Lib Square. My girl Sadee sent me this picture from Halloween to get us excited about tonight and it sent me down memory lane. As a result, a precious little gem of a story re-surfaced.

One Halloween, Porter and I decided it would be funny to go to a church party as Ammon and a Lamanite. For my friends who may not be familiar with the Book of Mormon, Ammon was a missionary that went to a group of people known as the “Lamanites.” He became a servant to the Lamanite King and protected the King’s flocks. One day, robbers came and attacked Ammon. All the other servants fled, but Ammon stayed and was able to protect himself by cutting off the arms of the robbers.

(Missionary moment: Now if that story doesn’t sound EPIC, I don’t know what is. Check out other awesome stories at

Back to my story. Porter, having a good sense of humor, thought it would be funny if I was Ammon and he dressed up as a Lamanite robber. We were too cheap to buy two Native American Indian costumes, so we only bought one and split it up. They weren't awesome costumes, but it got the point across and everyone thought it was hilarious.

And by everyone, I am including my Bishop.  When we walked in to the party, people laughed and told us how awesome it was that we would dress like that. Then Bishop decided to come compliment us.

We were sitting at a table eating the dinner they had provided when my Bishop walked up to us.

Bishop: “Wow, you guys look great! This is a great costume idea!”

Me (thinking he was blown away by our sense of humor): “Oh, thanks. We thought our fellow Mormons would appreciate it.”

Bishop: “I just need you to answer one question…how did you make it look so real??”

Me (knowing full well that our costumes weren't exactly up to par): “Make what look so real?”

Bishop: “How did you make it look like he only has one arm? Did you use make-up?”

(Insert awkward silence here)

*Timeout-First of all we were too poor to buy two costumes, how in the world were we going to afford the make-up needed to make this look real? Second, I don’t think make-up can even do that (and if it could, we all know my make-up skills suck.) The only make-up he had was some unrealistic blood we found for a dollar and I applied it as while we were driving to the party. Lastly, how would make-up make an ENTIRE arm disappear? We don’t own an invisibility cloak or a green screen. There aren’t special effects in real life, homeboy. Where were we hiding a limb in the crappy tank top we made five seconds prior to the party?*

I was at a loss for words and didn’t really want to make him feel bad, so Porter took it from there.

Porter: “Well, I actually don’t have it.”

Bishop: “You don’t have an arm?”

My thoughts: “What kind of question is that? Of course he is talking about his arm! Can you not see the scars and clean cut off his shoulder bone?”

Porter: “Yeah, I don’t have my right arm.”

Bishop: “Oh, I was wondering how you made it look so real.”

We didn’t make it “look” real. It is real. Porter then tried to change the subject because things were getting real weird, real quick.

Porter: “Well I like your costume, are you a cat?”

Bishop (dressed in a furry brown costume): “No, I’m a monkey.”

Everyone felt pretty uncomfortable at this point, so Bishop just turned and walked away. It was fantastic. I wish my words could illustrate just how awkward everyone felt.

Me to Porter after Bishop left: “I think he feels kind of bad.”

Porter: “Heck, I feel bad. I called the man a cat when he was supposed to be a monkey. I guess I should have guessed that since his wife is dressed in a banana costume…”

Moral of the story: We get to dress up as awesome characters for Halloween. Next year we are debating between Nemo and Dory (you know, because Nemo has “hurt fin”) or Captain Hook and Peter Pan. Ideas are welcome.

Until next time,


(P.S. We are really excited to hang with you people again!)


  1. Ok, this Halloween Porter needs to go as Pete Gray, played in the majors for one year - 1945 - for St. Louis Browns, most famous one armed baseball player, Carlie could sell popcorn...
    Love, Uncle Rok

    1. Haha thanks Uncle Rock, I always wanted to be a popcorn seller for Halloween...

  2. This blog is honestly the most fantastic read thus far! I have read both these posts to Sean, Alec and Austin...both times I have had to stop because I am laughing so hard i have tears. Thank you both for sharing these fantastic stories. :) <3