At first I thought it had to be a mistake. After all, I haven't posted a blasted thing on this blog for weeks.
She must just randomly stalk me every couple of months or so.
Without further adieu, I present to you my favorite hater and her lovely words of affection:
Carlie, (she spelled my name right!)
I can't even began (I think you used the wrong tense here. Don't worry I will help you..."begin") to describe how upset I was to find that you are still blogging (best believe it). I thought I had made myself perfectly clear in my first email that I do not appreciate your stories (nah, you made yourself clear...I just don't really care). You think it is funny to post my email to your site? (Yes, yes I do) You're (*your) stories are more offensive then (*than) anything I have ever read before. (I take it you don't do much reading or writing, so I'm not too hurt by that) Not only are you're (*your...I know that one is tricky) words offensive, but I recently saw a video you made where you are singing a rap song. I know Porter and he would never listen to that music if you hadn't introduced it to him. (OMG I'M THE WORST) It's sad to watch all of this. (So sad) I'm sure you will end up posting my concerns to your page once again (Yes, yes I will). I sincerly (*Sincerely? Come on, how do you even mess that up? Do you not know what that red squiggly line under misspelled words means?) hope you will reconsider blogging in the future.
I could not wait to respond. My thoughts were flowing y'all.
Dear Mrs. ________
I greatly appreciate your email. I love to hear from people reading my blog. Your email has truly touched me. As per your request, I have decided to reconsider my blogging habits. It appears that I do not do enough of it. I promise to post more frequently.
I really hope you can see the true purpose of my blog. I do not mean to offend, I simply want to put a smile on my readers' faces. Life is too short and we should spend our time focusing on what brings us happiness. Otherwise, we will end up bitter and spend our days shooting off grammatically incorrect emails to those who are trying to enjoy this life.
Your favorite blogger, Carlie
For those of you who believe this was a little harsh, let me inform you that she has sent me more than a couple of emails. In her previous attempts to shut down my blog, I have responded with grace.
Also, if you have not seen our "inappropriate" lip sync, I have included it below. You're welcome.