You see, we are survivors. We have struggles most people wouldn't even begin to understand. It's a daily struggle. Why are we discriminated you ask? Well, because we are left handed. I was born that way, I can't help it. And although Porter wasn't born that way, he doesn't have much of a choice now either.
You right handed people don't know what it's like to ruin a perfectly good white shirt because you didn't realize you had pencil marking all down the side of your hand from taking notes all day. You haven't experienced the frustration caused by something as simple as using scissors. There is nothing I hated more in elementary school than having to cut stuff out to make a meaningless craft. Lastly, and most important, the Wii automatically defaults to right handed people, so we have to change it before each game. Life is hard people.
We live in a right-handed world. Even something as simple as shaking hands is dominated by that blasted, less-dominant hand of ours. Now, I only bring up shaking hands because I have noticed that with Porter it is literally the most awkward encounter of all time. ALWAYS.
When you go to shake, you automatically stick out your right hand. That is, if you have one. So, when people first meet Porter and they extend their right hand, only to be met with Porter's left hand, magic happens. Literally.
I have been around Porter long enough to categorize people into groups based on how they shake his hand and this is what I have come up with:
The Polite/Humble Folk: This group of people, upon noticing Porter is missing an arm, will kindly switch over and use their left hand to shake his.
The Prideful and RIGHTeous: this group of people will continue to keep their right hand extended even after they realize Porter only has his left hand to spare. They are sticklers about it for some reason.
The Feminist: This is typically found in women. They do this side hand squeeze thing. It's ridiculous.
The Homie Handshake: This is for people who aren't friends with Porter, but pretend to be. When they realize that he only has the left hand, they frantically come up with a handshake like they have been bros all along.
The Hopeless Hugger: These are my fav. This group of people is full of kindred spirits. They typically panic during the handshake process, and instead of playing it cool, just hug him instead. Priceless.
If you have ever had the pleasure of shaking hands with this fine lad, feel free to classify yourself. If you haven't, well now you know how to handle the situation. You're welcome.
Until next time,