You might be a one armed guy if...

I know I normally post on Monday, but I will be enjoying a day away from the computer. I hope everyone does the same and takes the time to show respect to the men and women who have fought for our country.

And speaking of American pride...

Porter and I bought a “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” CD (real American comedy) to listen to when we drove out to California. Jeff Foxworthy, a southern comedic genius, was featured on it and told several of his famous “You might be a redneck” jokes. We laughed hysterically (mostly because Porter, being a redneck himself, had done most of those things) and then we decided to make our own version. So, here it is and feel free to read it in a Jeff Foxworthy southern accent:

You might be a one armed guy if….

• the guy wearing a kilt at Wal Mart stares at you like you are the weird one

• the awkward couples at BYU stop mid make-out sesh to stare at you as you walk by

• a guy walks full-force into a wall because he is too busy looking at you instead of where he is going

• the obese man at Pizza Pie Café is more fixated on your missing limb than the insane amount of pizza on his plate

• you catch people taking pictures of you at the grocery store (and then are no doubt uploading them to instagram with the caption “I saw a guy with one arm…crazy!”)

• your little cousin looks in your empty sleeve convinced that you are just hiding your arm

• the guys at open gym take it easy on you at first…until you hit five threes in a row right in their face

• you have to buy a tux instead of rent one for your wedding because they don’t do sleeve removal alterations

• grown men stick out their right hand to shake yours, but then realize you don’t have one so they go into panic mode and awkwardly hug you instead.

And last but not least….

• If a middle-aged woman is shocked by the fact that you can ride a bike FORWARD…you might be a one armed guy.

The best part about all of these is that they all happened in real life and I don’t even have to put them context for them to be hilarious.

Have a happy weekend. Until next time,

Carlie