Wedding Ring Fiasco

So Porter lost his wedding ring this weekend. We spent like two hours trying to find it on the baseball field where he left it behind. It was just awesome. It isn't a huge deal because let's be honest, I didn't spend that much on it. It was just a simple black wedding band. However, finding the wedding band that would work for our "circumstances" was rather difficult.

A couple months after we got engaged, I figured I should probably start looking for a ring. I went to different jewelry stores by myself, which was a mistake because I know nothing about jewelry. Regardless, I set out on my own to find one.

After hitting up one or two stores in the mall, I found myself at a shop with a tender old man. I told him I was looking for a black wedding ring (and it had to be black because, according to Porter, everything else was too girly).

(Good bye all black wedding band)

The man brought out several different types of rings, ranging from $60-$,500. Naturally, he started to show me the expensive ones. I kept telling him I wasn't going to spend that much because I knew Porter would eventually lose it. Unfortunately, I was right about that one.

I then told the little, old man that I wanted something that would break easily. He looked at me puzzled and then said:

Old man: "Why on earth would you want one that breaks?"

Me: "Well, I just worry about his hand getting caught in something and I would like it to shatter."

Old man: (chuckling) "Well even if he does get it caught, he has another hand to spare."

Awkward silence while I ponder said statement.

Me: (finally breaking the silence): "Well, we actually don't have that luxury."

Old man: "What on earth do you mean?"

Me: "My fiance only has one arm, so I would like something that breaks. We have to protect the five fingers we have."

Old man: "Oh, well we don't discriminate based on sexual orientation or disability!"

What the heck? That's random. Of course you don't because that would mean less mula for you.

Old man (cont.): "We have our selection of rings for men with one arm over here!"

Me: "You have a selection specifically for one arm men? What's the difference between the rings for two arm men and one arm men?"

Old man: "Well we have a selection for those with circumstances like yours. We sell rings that are custom made to fit on one hand."

You don't say? You mean you actually sell rings that are designated for just one hand? That is the most ingenius thing I have ever heard!

Me: "I'm just curious as to what the difference is between the two arm people rings and the one arm people rings."

Old man: "Well, uhhh, I'm getting up there so I don't quite remember. Let me go ask my associate."

The old man waddles to the back room and emerges with a young asian girl....who wasn't exactly fluent in English. I'm not being racist, this is just how the conversation actually went down. I asked her again, what the difference is between the rings and she replied:

Girl: "Oh, no difference. You buy ring and make man soooooo happy!"

No, sorry lady. I no buy ring because you people no tell truth.

I started to walk out of the store when the old man came running out again.

Old man: "Wait, I remember the difference!"

Me: "Oh yeah, what is it?"

Old man: "They fit on the finger form of one arm people differently. You see, people with one arm have skinnier fingers!"

No, no they don't. Porter's fingers are like mini sausages. Needless to say, I bought the ring at a different store with the help of my mom.

Moral of the story: Keep tabs on your husband's wedding ring because now I'm going to have to go through that whole process all over again. Awesome.

Until next time,

Carlie